


Love is on the Radio

by avalone



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, M/M, Phanfiction, danisnotonfire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 19:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4031281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avalone/pseuds/avalone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan’s been having trouble speaking out his feelings to Phil. He doesn’t want to damage their relationship, so he’s kept quiet. It’s been too long for him and he needs someway to let it out. When a certain radio segment is introduced, Dan jumps at the chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is on the Radio

**Author's Note:**

> | Word Count: 2,538 | Phan Fluff and Angst with Implied Smut | Disclaimer: Sadness? (Sorry, I never know if there are any disclaimers I should include)
> 
> I (obviously) don’t own Dan or Phil.

~

This was it, this was his breaking point. He couldn’t contain it anymore. Each day he had to bite his tongue from saying what he truly felt about Phil. He couldn’t run the risk of their relationship breaking apart all because of four words. No, this relationship he had with Phil was too precious to lose. He had to contain it, even if it meant never telling him how he truly felt.

He’s done a good job so far. Distracting himself from his feelings by focusing on work and other things. Anything that could keep him away from his thoughts. Then over time, he got even closer to Phil than he ever did. They decided to write a book together. It was now one of his top priorities, along with maintaining their radio show and gaming channel. They were now conjoined at the hip online and off and Dan felt suffocated by his emotions.

It was all too much that he would stay up at night thinking about it, pacing around his bedroom until 5am when Phil was long asleep. He often complained to Dan about his constant pacing, but Dan would always brush it off or move to a different subject. Sometimes, he would blame it on not telling their fans about the book. Oh, the irony that hit him right after. He hated lying to Phil, yet he’s been doing it his whole life. He needed to vent, let it out somehow.

He considered consoling to his friends or family, but he was afraid they might slip it out or even tell him. Writing his feelings lost it’s power and saying it out loud when he was alone didn’t do as much justice as he would’ve hoped. Sometimes, he was really close to blurting it out in front of Phil. Some days, he just didn’t care anymore and decided he was going say it and get it over with. What stopped him was Phil’s eyes. Every time he was met with those big, blue eyes, he stuttered and said something else. Each time wanting to slap himself in the face for being such a coward.

Then one day, he was sat in a taxi and the driver was playing the radio. The broadcasters introduced a new segment. Dan didn’t pay much attention, until they said something that perked his interest.

“Yes, that’s right. This is called the Quiet Proffession. Basically you call in, and you can share a secret with us. We promise not give out your name without your permission. It can be something small like cheating your diet, or something big like cheating on your spouse. Although, let’s hope they’re not listening. This a chance to vent out any repressed feelings and to talk about it out with the security of confidentiality.”

He started to feel excited. This could be his chance to finally get his feelings out there. The chance for him to say everything he felt and have no judgements. He listened for the number and dialled it into his keypad. He hoped and prayed to every higher being that he would be able to get this phone call.

He didn’t care if the cab driver would be listening or if thousands of other people were listening. He needed escape and he wasn’t going to chicken out, not this time. Once he heard the radio broadcasters voice, he froze. So much for not being nervous.

“Hello caller number 3, what kind of secret are you going to convene to us today?” The broadcaster asked, pausing for him to say something.

“Um, I guess it’s pretty big. I’ve been keeping it for a while and I don’t know how else to say this.” He spoke, his voice shaking. He wanted to smack himself for sounding so vulnerable on radio. His voice sounded so different to when he was actually broadcasting.

“Well, let’s just hope it isn’t as big as murder.” They joked, forcing Dan to cough out a laugh.

“I guess it’s not as serious as murder.” He tried to prolong the amount of time he had to try and get himself to say the words.

“Well, go on. Tell us then!” He grimaced but swallowed his fear. He took in a deep breath before speaking.

“I’m in love with someone. I have been for a long time now. They, of course, don’t know and I never really could tell them how I feel. Every time I go to say it, I freeze and end up dropping it. Now that were getting closer and closer, it’s been really difficult keeping it in. I’ve been living with them for a while and I feel like I’m so close to telling then sometimes. I guess I’ve reached my breaking point.”

“I don’t mean to pry, but what’s stopping you from telling this person how you feel?” Dan knew the radio broadcaster was digging deep which made Dan feel a bit uncomfortable, but this is what he signed up for. He knew how they were, considering he worked with a lot of them and was one himself.

“We’ve been best friends since forever. I don’t want to risk our relationship over my feelings for them.”

“Ahh, well. How are you sure they’ll reject you? Maybe there’s a chance that they like you back? They could be listening right now.” He chuckled at the thought of requited love.

“I highly doubt that. There’s more of a chance he’s sat at home doing whatever he does when he’s home alone.”

“Well, that’s why this segment exists. If he were listening right now, what would you say? No judgements, no rejection, just your thoughts and feelings.”

“Are you sure we have enough time for this?”

“We won’t if you dally along like that.” Dan paused, considering hanging up right then and there. The whole reason why he called was to express his feelings. If he had to profess to a non-existent Phil, so be it.

“Well, Phil, I just want to tell you that I love you. I love you and I know you aren’t listening which makes me feel comfortable enough to say it out loud. I love you Phil. Funny how I can tell thousands of people yet I can’t tell the one person it’s really meant for. It’s been hard trying to keep it in. I’ve kept it in ever since we’ve talked over Skype and met in Manchester. I’ve kept it in when we got close enough to move in together. I’ve kept it in when I knew I was close enough not to care anymore. Now, I can finally release everything I’ve bottled inside me since I saw you on my laptop screen. You’ve meant everything to me. You’ve helped me through and from my darkest times. You’ve helped me realise the person I was meant to be. You are my entire universe and I’m not even a crack in the sidewalk. I just hope you feel the same way.” Once he finished, he took in a deep breath. He let it out slowly, though it felt and sounded shaky. He was processing what he had just done. He just confessed his love for Phil over live radio. It felt good to finally verbalise all of the feelings he couldn’t express into words before. He noticed the taxi driver through the rear view window having a small smile on his face.

“Well, I can confirm that I am in fact not crying over that emotionally ripping proffession. We are glad to have experienced that and we hope you find the courage to say what you just said to Phil.”

“Thanks, bye.” He said, hanging up. He laid his head back against the seat, smiling and laughing.

He’d finally done it. He could feel his tears on the verge of falling but he didn’t dare let one spill. Once he’d calmed down, he wanted to tell everyone. Something inside him wanted to tell his family and friends. He was about to when some thing stopped him. He felt like something was missing, like he had forgotten to do something. He ignored it and decided it’s best not to tell anyone.   
-  
The rest of the day consisted of doing little errands. Picking up some food, getting light bulbs for the broken light downstairs, small little house chores. The whole time conflicting with why he felt empty. He has gotten his wish, to say his feelings out in the open. Why did he feel the same?  
-  
Dan got home and went up the stairs, finding it to be suspiciously quiet.

“Phil?” He called out as he walked into the lounge. He looked around and shrugged. He thought that he was probably up in his room or something.

He put away the groceries and made an attempt to fix the light bulb. He eventually gave up, as he had already dropped one of them when he didn’t screw it in properly. He walked over to his room and found Phil’s door closed. He started to get worried. Phil had not said one word since he’s came back. No hello, no nothing.

He hasn’t even come out of his room and Dan’s been home for half an hour. He huffed, trying to decided whether or not to go see what’s been keeping him quiet. After much contemplation, he decided to be brave once more and go into Phil’s room. He gave the door a soft knock and waited. No response. He knocked on it a couple more times. Still nothing.

“Phil? Is everything okay?” He asked, his hand itching to open the door. He waited forever for a response and still nothing.

“Phil, i’m coming in.” Dan said, waiting a second for a response. Of course, nothing. He opened the door to see Phil sat on the side of the bed, facing away from the door. He looked like he was holding something, but Dan couldn’t tell what it was. Dan slowly made his way over to Phil. Once he did, a part of him felt like he wish he didn’t.

His eyes were bloodshot with dried tears streamed down his face. His nose glowed bright pink and his hair looked like a bed-ridden mess. Dan looked down to see that Phil was holding the stuffed animal he had won for him from a claw machine a long time ago. His phone was on the floor along with many strewn tissues.

Dan sat himself next to Phil, rubbing a hand on his back. Phil didn’t flinch away or say anything. He just ignored him and let him stroke his back. He hated seeing Phil cry as much as he hated lying to him. He couldn’t help but think this was somehow his fault.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Phil said, his voice sounding congested and high-pitched. Dan stopped rubbing Phil’s back, not expecting him to ask that. He still didn’t look at him.

“What?” Dan asked, confused as to what he was saying.

“You heard me.” Dan could hear the bitterness with every word.

“I don’t understand.” He wondered what the hell he was on about. Although now he started to get an idea. He pulled away from Phil’s back and placed his hand in his lap.

Phil turned to him and Dan witnessed how hurt his face looked, “Why didn’t you tell me you loved me sooner?” Dan froze. He wanted to throw up and hide in a dark hole.

“H-how did you know?”

“I heard it earlier, on the radio.”

“Phil, I-”

“Not only that, but I’ve heard you through the walls. I’ve heard you pacing about in the morning, going on about how you don’t know how to tell me you love me. You’ve loved me all this time and you never told me?” I started to feel angry. He knew all this time and never said a word? Nothing? He left me hanging for so long.

“If you’d known for so long, why didn’t you say anything?” This was when Phil went silent. He turned away from me and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath.

“I did tell you. I told you the night we came back from that house party four years ago. We were drunk, you more so than I. I knew right then and there that I loved you and I told you. Although I knew you were drunk, you told me that you loved me like a brother. I didn’t know how to respond so I agreed and never spoke of it again. Since then, I felt like my feelings were eating away at me heart each time I knew had a chance to tell you. I thought you didn’t feel the same way. Then, I heard you through the walls and was overjoyed. I was going to tell you the other day, but I froze and I skipped it.”

When Phil finished, Dan was left speechless. He remembered that night too. He didn’t know how to respond when he said it so he passed it off saying that he loved him like a brother. He was too drunk to think of anything to respond with so he left it. He thought it would’ve been better if he was sober when he said it. That way it meant more than drunken unspoken words. He must’ve forgotten the next day since he never did.

Dan looked away from Phil and stared at the floor. He balled his hands into fists as they sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. He wanted to say something, but what could he say? I’m sorry? I actually do love you?

He turned to look at Phil who had a fresh set of tears rolling down his face. Dan shook his head and closed his eyes. He grabbed Phil’s face and kissed him. The taste of salt contrasted with the sweet taste of Phil’s mouth against his. Dans hands traveled up to Phil’s hair as he braided his fingers between his locks. Phil snaked his arms around Dans waist, pulling him closer. They pulled away briefly, resting each other’s foreheads against each other.

“I love you, Phil.” Dan breathed, trying to catch his breath.

“I love you too, Dan.” Phil said, kissing him again as soon as he had finished his sentence. They melted into each other, hands exploring each others body. Phil pressed his lips everywhere on Dans body. Together, they became one under hot bed sheets, tangling themselves together as they screamed out each other’s names. They never felt as alive as they did at that moment. They reached their climax and fell on top of each other, breathing out tired I love you’s over and over. They kissed passionately once more, slowly succumbing to fatigue. Dan broke the kiss long enough to gaze at Phil’s tired face, a smile creeping across his face.

“Phil, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Dan said, stroking Phil’s chest. He tried looking up at him, but his eyes were too heavy for that.

“I’m sorry I didn’t either, but it’s okay now.” Before they drifted to unconsciousness, they whispered their last I love you’s and fell asleep.

~


End file.
